The card arrived inoccuously enough. A patterned envelope nested within a wad of corporate logoed bills. My father sends me a Happy Birthday card with a muted line of well wishes. "To K, Best wishes for a wonderful birthday - a very special number. Robert (your dad)."


Of course, he needs to remind me who he is. He had disowned me and then I disowned him but that's a whole other (depressing) story.


I was to have a family Thai dinner takeaway night Sunday to "celebrate" the big 40 but now my sister calls to say that she and my mum think we should wait two weeks until my brother returns from NZ. Then we will have a combined party for him, my little boy and, oh, yes, me.... Feeling surprisingly deflated that not even my closest kin can rouse themselves for a little pad thai and cheap wine for my half-life marker. Maybe that's my problem. Is my life half empty or half full?


Saw an interesting quote from Ben Stiller today explaining the gravitas attached to the 40 birthday.


"I think someting happens around 4o when you realize your life is not all ahead of you, its a very real thing that happens at that age"


That 's what I'm coming to terms with. Life now is so clearly finite. I must be mindful how I use it.